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Well, not us exactly. Unfortunately, I can't tell much about the book because Giraldi's opinion is obscured behind his own incredible, thunderous disdain for not only 50 Shades of Grey, but also the author, and the readers who enjoyed that book, and any other romance besides.

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The degree to which Mr. Giraldi decorates this reading community with his disdain can Naked baker bitches met with gitches yup or equal disdain yup yup. As I re-read some choice moments in William Giraldi's bloviating asshattery, Naker felt that, in this bake, the most fierce and cunning weapon we have in our arsenal is needed. Many Naked baker bitches assisted me in the assembly and loading of this weapon. It is ferocious in its simplicity and says everything Nzked need to Naaked. With their drooling enthusiasm bigches Fifty Shades, millions of dreamy-hearted women have chaperoned a cultural phenomenon—one that amply shows haker far taste can be removed Nked hunger—just as millions of frail-headed men have made Tom Clancy Naker household name, Clancy's bestsellers being a breed of poli-sci porn for gruff guys.

Drooling, dreamy bitchrs women! Dreck of this stupendous caliber has a particular advantage over literature in that one doesn't have to read all of it to surmise, accurately and eternally, that it is all uniformly awful and awfully uniform—romance novels, like racists, tend to be the same wherever you turn. That's a canon-ball right there, isn't it? Let's look at that again: It's pointless to spend much time impugning these books as writing because they really aren't meant to be considered as actual writing, the same way a Twinkie wasn't meant to be considered as actual food.

Books ejaculated this easily have the inverse effect of being extremely difficult to read. You took this book, the genre and its readership far too seriously for my comfort. Giraldi is here to speak on behalf of women everywhere! Romance novels are a billion-dollar-a-year industry and make up 46 percent of all mass-market paperbacks sold in America; the publishing company Harlequin claims that half of its customers buys 30 of its novels every month; it also claims to sell more than four books per second. How did the pabulum of Fifty Shades manage to rise above such a mind-stinging preponderance of crap? What the commercial coup of Fifty Shades reveals about us is this: Do I really expect Americans to sit down with Adam Bede or Clarissa after all the professional and domestic hurly-burly of their day?

Pardon me, but yes I do. At least people are reading. Anyway, we can expect a resurgence of the Fifty Shades evangelism when the film version is released next year, when middle-class ladies everywhere tug their porcine beaus off the sofa and put them through another 90 minutes of torture. It's absolutely valid to wonder why that book captured imagination and sold all over the bloody place, and possibly how it did so — though if we knew the answer, we'd have a lot more money and probably an infomercial, too: After Twilight was published Mmmmm, irony! Just because you didn't like something, doesn't mean there's something wrong with the people who do.

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